You've probably read a lot about what you can expect from your toddler, but here's a few things that you really CANNOT expect from your 2-3yr old...
Sharing…
2 year olds will sometimes ‘show’ their possessions, perhaps even letting others touch them, but this is not sharing in the sense that we think, nor an indication they are ready or willing to share. They will not want to let release that grip! To us this may seem a bit odd, or even mean – “This is mine you cannot have it!” – but it really isn’t. These are the first steps to building their confidence in interacting with others. They do not yet have the understanding that if they let go, their toy will eventually come back! Encourage them; “Well done for showing James your truck, shall we put it away now?..” and reinforce the idea that when they feel ready to share their toy, it will come back. They will let go when they are ready.
Logical thought…
Not sure we need to write much here – witnessing these events sticks in your mind (and makes for some great stories in future years). Crying because you do not let them run in the road, go outside (in December) naked, crying because they threw their own juice on the floor, crying because they do not like blue plates (blue was their favourite colour yesterday) the list goes on. Their brain is growing and developing at the rate of knots – they’re going to get a bit tangled up! Key for us is to remain calm, do not try to look for logic when there is none. All they need from us is a reassuring, calming influence to support them emotionally and not to be there in the chaos with them.
Be quiet when you ask them to be (think weddings, events)…
I will never forget at one of my best friend’s wedding, during the vows, my daughter piped up loudly “Are they finished yet??...Come on!!” Luckily the brides Mum next to us had had the foresight to pack some snacks in her bag to plug the hole - literally! Luckily everyone found it funny – the bride and groom are both teachers which helped! Little ones do not have the self-control to be able to manage themselves in social settings like older children do. This is for US to manage, not them. It was important for best friend to have my daughter there and this became a funny story to this day (19 years later). But if it was a wedding between people who I did not know as well or who would not have appreciated the interruption then it would have been my job to either be sitting by the door so I could duck out when needed or join them with her after the vows.
Apologise…
Telling 2 year old to say ‘sorry’ to another child after a fight or disagreement is the socially acceptable, perhaps expected thing to do, but it really holds little value for the 2yr old involved. It can become a word they just say to justify their behaviour, with no understanding of what the word actually means, or the emotion that should come behind it. Taking the time to talk through the incident that’s led to a ‘sorry’ being needed is far more valuable. Reinforcing what the word sorry means. “Tilly is upset you pushed her. We cannot push people. I know she took your toy, but we do not hurt people. You and Tilly are friends aren’t you, and now you are both sad. Let’s sit together and see if we can make each other feel better…”
Filter what they say…
Remember that your almost 3yr old is with you A LOT, knows all your secrets, has a loud voice, is becoming more confident in full sentences and knows ALL your secrets. Scary times… Seriously though, most people get it and will only feel sympathy if they come out with something you’d rather they didn’t…
Swim…
Swimming ability at this age varies massively child to child, usually depending on how much exposure they’ve had to water. Some children may be able to keep afloat by themselves, some may still not want to put their face in the water – and everything in between. Whatever their confidence around water, they must NEVER be left out of reach. It can feel easier to relax with a more confident and ‘able’ swimmer but remember, at this age something seemingly small could happen that they will not be able to manage and this could lead to a bigger problem. However much you hear “I can do it myself!!” just be close by and ready…
Hold a pencil properly (consistently)…
‘Mark-making’ – when children start to express themselves through writing and drawing, starting with squiggles and lines, is the first step to writing. It is not until around 3 years old that children are developing the fine motor skill required to use the ‘tripod’ grip. Until this point, they will use various grips to hold a pencil/crayon, from full fist to pincer grip. You can encourage your child to hold their crayon using their 3 fingers, but it’s completely normal if they can’t, or do sometimes, other occasions they don’t. It will all come together as they grow.
Use a knife and fork to confidently hold and cut up food…
Linked to the above point, their fine motor skills are developing fast, but they will not have the co-ordination between right and left to effectively and independently use a knife and fork to hold and cut food on their plate. As with writing, this also requires the ‘tripod grip’. This is why our Stage 2 fork and spoon set is designed for children from 12 months old to encourage their grip development from full fist to pincer grip. Our Stage 3 knife and fork set will then take them on the next part of their developmental journey, as they develop that tripod grip needed for not only using cutlery, but writing, drawing, buttoning, tying – so many day-to-day life skills.
Manage their own hygiene…
We know this too well right?!? But it’s worth a reminder that even simple tasks, like washing their hands, still need supervision if it’s important they are done thoroughly. They will not always understand the risks associated with touching certain things in the way we instinctively do (cue memory of finding my youngest pocking at a leaky packet of steak on the bottom of a supermarket shelf…) This can be stressful if you give it too much thought, but ensuring they wash (thoroughly) before eating for example means you can worry less about what they were poking their fingers into 5 minutes ago…
Remember...
2-3 yr. olds also can’t vote, drive, fly an airplane or run a wine bar – seriously though, let’s remember where they are. They’re little, growing people and developing at a faster rate than they ever will again. Managing our expectations helps them (and us) to feel more relaxed and enjoy the journey we’re on together.
